Saturday, November 04, 2006


From The New York Times:

Toga!
By CHRISTOPHER BUCKLEY

THE REAL ANIMAL HOUSE
The Awesomely Depraved Saga of the Fraternity That Inspired the Movie.

By Chris Miller.

321 pp. Little, Brown & Company. $24.99.


Has it really been almost 30 years since “Animal House” came out? We grow old. The movie, on the other hand, hasn’t aged a bit. “Double secret probation,” “See if you can guess what I am now? I’m a zit! Get it?” and “To-ga, to-ga!” are classic, time-defying, laugh-out-loud moments encased in celluloid amber. I’ve watched the movie with my father, now 80, and my son, who is 14; both were on the floor gasping for breath.

Comes now Chris Miller, Dartmouth Class of ’63, who wrote the screenplay along with Harold Ramis and Douglas Kenney, to give us, as his subtitle puts it, “the awesomely depraved saga” of Alpha Delta Phi, the fraternity whose bacchanals and outrages provided the inspiration for the movie, along with Ramis’s and Kenney’s own experiences of Greek life. (Not to be confused with Plato or Pythagoras.) Miller calls this book, on its cover, “a mostly lucid memoir.” It’s unclear whether “lucid” is a typographical error. Miller may well have meant “lurid.”

His book is sophomoric, disgusting, tasteless, vile, misogynist, chauvinist, debased and at times so unspeakably revolting that any person of decent sensibility would hurl it into the nearest Dumpster. I couldn’t put it down. I make this self-indicting admission with all due trepidation, but there it is. For better or worse, this an utterly hilarious book.

Toga-wise, Miller’s book is to “Animal House,” the movie, what “Caligula” is to Larry Gelbart and Burt Shevelove’s “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.” There’s enough radioactive material in here to shock everyone, and perhaps that’s its strength: it’s a nuclear bomb — and a very dirty one at that — of political incorrectness.

It’s hard to imagine this book being published in the 1980’s or 90’s. That it’s appearing now, at a time when HBO’s hit series “Entourage,” a guy’s version of “Sex and the City,” is playing, may indicate that some paradigm shift is under way. There seems to be some resurgent testosterone in the body cultural. Either that, or someone spilled a giant bottle of Old Spice over the country.

“Animal House” — the book — also manages somehow to be elegiac. How Miller accomplishes that is beyond me, but he does. By the end, he has you — depraved me, at any rate — almost sighing for the good old days. Polymorphously perverse it may have been, still it all sounds like it was a blast.

I seem to be digging myself in deeper. I hereby take back everything I have said so far. It’s a disgusting, horrid, loathsome book. Miller should be ashamed. No — he should be executed. I issue a fatwa.

Normally, a reviewer quotes from the book. However, since there are very few sentences in these 321 pages that don’t contain an obscenity or moral atrocity, we will not be quoting extensively from the text. The more’s the pity, because Miller is a genuinely witty writer. He’s also a crackerjack storyteller. Wince you may — and if you have any modesty, you should — but bored I guarantee you will not be.

Well, there must be something quotable. How about:

“Doberman had crawled onto the hood of the hearse and licked the bugs off the windshield, explaining to Flea, who was driving, ‘I just wanted to make sure you could see.’ ”

Or this description, right out of Jane Austen, of a fraternity brother: “Rat’s hair was short as a marine’s, his belly hung over his belt, and he wore Dumptruck-type glasses, big with black rims. He’d gotten his name last week. The Adelphian naming thing had worked again — he resembled a big, bloated water rat, creeping out of some Amsterdam canal, dripping with stuff you didn’t want to know about.”

Or this touching moment, in which Pinto — I can’t go into the derivation of his fraternity name — waxes nostalgic about the really good old days: “Pinto’s eyes were starry, hearing about the ‘ooooold AD’s,’ as the brothers referred to their forebears. He loved these tales of a fabled, earlier time when the AD house was at some kind of crazed behavioral zenith and outrageous Adelphians strode the earth like depraved gods, doing whatever they felt like, and the good times never stopped.” Given what Pinto and his brothers were doing in 1960, it beggars my imagination what catastrophic antics their predecessors were up to; in fact, I don’t want to know.

Anyone remember “norgling?” What a “double hogback growler” was? Can’t explain that one, either. There are, on the other hand, a few relatively innocent terms, like the synonyms for breasts: “jehoshaphats,” “ba-boos,” “wazookies,” “ka-hogas” and of course “gabongas.” The Inuit language contains — what? — 17 different words for “snow”? The AD’s must have twice that many for “vomit.” But vomiting is merely one of the many bodily functions extensively, indeed, exhaustively explored in the pages of “The Real Animal House.”

Aside from drinking enough beer to fill Lake Erie, the great pursuit — indeed, holy grail — at AD house was losing one’s virginity. Hard as it may be to believe today, back in the early 1960’s this was still a tricky goal. These days it takes about 10 minutes from “Hi, what’s your name?” to “Oh God oh God oh God.” When you compare the Adelphians of 1960 with the college kids in Tom Wolfe’s novel “I Am Charlotte Simmons,” you realize what tremendous strides we’ve made in this field of endeavor.

In any event, the lucidly lurid events depicted herein happened a long time ago, and it would be unfair to judge them by today’s P.C. standards. This is a memoir, not a manifesto. Eisenhower was president, Doris Day was the cheesecake of record and everyone was singing along to the Schaefer beer ads on TV. (“Schaefer is the one beer to have, when you’re having more than one!”) Up to now, I’ve thought of the jacket-and-narrow-tie-wearing youth of that era as “The Quiet Generation.” No longer. There is nothing quiet about Pinto, Otter, Coyote, Snot, Black Whit, Giraffe, Rat or any of the other AD brothers, unless they’re passed out facedown in the snow with the blood-alcohol content of an embalmed corpse.

However sick, depraved and irredeemably gross, the animal house of Dartmouth 1960 produced a writer who became a leading voice at National Lampoon, the magazine that shaped and defined the comic sensibility of its generation. He then went on, with one of his colleagues, Douglas Kenney (who died tragically in 1980), to write a movie that accomplished the same thing cinematically, as well as to inaugurate the movie careers of John Belushi, Tom Hulce, Peter Riegert, Karen Allen and others.

No mean feats. And to think it all began with power-booting (don’t ask) in the basement and watching brother Seal — a model for the movie’s Bluto Blutarsky, played by Belushi — pour a giant jar of mustard over his head and crawl around on all fours on the dance floor, biting girls on the bottom. Now we know. And as the plaque on the statue of the founder of Faber College in the movie says, “Knowledge is Good.”

Christopher Buckley’s new novel, “Boomsday,” will be published in the spring.


From Billboard:

U2 Unveils Track List For New Retrospective
By Jonathan Cohen, N.Y.


U2 has confirmed the track list for its new compilation, "U218 Singles," due Nov. 21 via Interscope. Beyond the previously announced new songs "The Saints Are Coming" with Green Day and "Window in the Skies," the non-chronological set runs the gamut from "New Year's Day" through to "Vertigo" and "Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own."

A limited edition of the album will include a 10-song live bonus disc from a 2005 show in Milan. Also due on Nov. 20 is a DVD collecting videos for the tracks from "U218 Singles."

Among the big U2 hits not featured on the retrospective are "I Will Follow," "Angel of Harlem," "Even Better Than the Real Thing," "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses" and "Discotheque."

U2 will resume its Vertigo tour Tuesday (Nov. 7) in Brisbane, Australia. As previously reported, a 3-D concert film chronicling Vertigo is expected to hit theaters in late 2007.

Here is the track list for "U218 Singles":

"Beautiful Day"
"I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"
"Pride (In the Name of Love)"
"With or Without You"
"Vertigo"
"New Year's Day"
"Mysterious Ways"
"Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out Of"
"Where the Streets Have No Name"
"Sweetest Thing"
"Sunday Bloody Sunday"
"One"
"Desire"
"Walk On"
"Elevation"
"Sometimes You Can't Make It on Your Own"
"The Saints Are Coming"
"Window in the Skies"

Friday, November 03, 2006



From The NY Sun: Among all the news about unappealing Republican and Democratic voting options, and the latest church sex scandal, a piece about something really important.

Another Middle East War Is on the Horizon
BY JOHN KEEGAN - The Daily Telegraph


November 3, 2006

LONDON —There will soon be another war in the Middle East, this time a renewal of the conflict between the Israel Defense Force and Hezbollah. The conflict is inevitable and unavoidable. It will come about because Israel cannot tolerate the rebuilding of Hezbollah's fortified zone in South Lebanon, from which last year it launched its missile bombardment of northern Israel.

Hezbollah has now reconstructed the fortified zone and is replenishing its stocks of missiles there. It is also creating a fortified zone in the Gaza Strip and building up its stocks of missiles there. Israel, therefore, faces missile attack on two fronts. When the Israel general staff decides the threat has become intolerable, it will strike.

What happened in South Lebanon earlier this year has been widely misunderstood, largely because the anti-Israel bias in the international press led to the situation being misreported as an Israeli defeat.

It was no such thing. It was certainly an Israeli setback, but the idea that the IDF had suddenly lost its historic superiority over its Arab enemies and that they had acquired military qualities that had hitherto eluded them was quite false. Hezbollah suffered heavy losses in the fighting, perhaps as many as 1,000 killed out of its strength of up to 5,000, and it is only just now recovering.

What allowed Hezbollah to appear successful was its occupation of the bunker-and-tunnel system that it had constructed since June 2000, when the IDF gave up its presence in South Lebanon, which it had occupied since 1967. Although the IDF had got into South Lebanon, the casualties it had suffered in entering the fortified zone had alarmed the government and high command, since Israel's tiny population is acutely vulnerable to losses in battle. Israel's plan was to destroy Hezbollah's tunnels and bunkers, but the sending of a U.N. intervention force did not allow the destruction to be completed before the IDF was forced to withdraw.

Tunnel systems have played a crucial part in many modern campaigns without attracting much attention. That is a serious oversight. The success of the Viet Cong in sustaining its war effort in Vietnam in 1968–72 depended heavily on its use of the so-called War Zone B, a complex of deep tunnels and underground bases north of Saigon, which had been begun during the war against the French in 1946–55.

War Zone B provided the Viet Cong with a permanent base of refuge and resupply that proved effectively invulnerable even against a determined American effort to destroy it. War Zone B has now become a major tourist attraction to Western visitors to Vietnam.

In its time, however, War Zone B was very far from being a holiday facility: it assured the survival of the Viet Cong close to Saigon and their ability to mount operations against the government forces and the Americans. Hezbollah, either by mimicry or on its own account, has now begun to employ a tunnel and underground base strategy against Israel. It was for that reason that it was able to confront Israeli armored forces in South Lebanon earlier this year.

The adoption of a tunnel strategy has allowed Hezbollah to wage asymmetric warfare against Israel's previously all-conquering armored forces. The tunnel system is also impervious to attack by the Israeli Air Force.

Since Israel's reason for existence is to provide a secure base for the Jewish people and that of the IDF is to act as their shield and safeguard — functions that have been carried out with high success since 1948 — it is obvious that neither can tolerate a zone of invulnerability occupied by a sworn enemy located directly on Israel's northern border.

It is therefore an easy prediction to foresee that the IDF will — at some time in the near future — reopen its offensive against Hezbollah in South Lebanon and will not cease until it has destroyed the underground system, even if, in the process, it inflicts heavy damage on the towns and villages of the region.

It is likely that it will also move against the underground system being constructed in the Gaza Strip. Hezbollah resupplies itself with arms and munitions brought from Egypt through those channels. Gaza is a softer target than South Lebanon, since it is an enclave that Israel easily dominates.

Indeed, the IDF may attack Hezbollah bases in Gaza as a distraction from South Lebanon in an effort to make Hezbollah divide its forces and efforts.

Destroying the underground military facilities may be straightforward, but it is likely to create diplomatic complexities, particularly with the United Nations. Entering South Lebanon risks provoking a clash with UNIFIL, the major part of whose strength is provided by France. It is unlikely that such a risk will deter Israel. When national survival is at risk, Israel behaves with extreme ruthlessness. After all, it attacked a American communications ship during the Six-Day War because it objected to America listening in to its most secret signals.

What is certain is that — probably before the year is out — Israel will have struck at Hezbollah in South Lebanon. And the strike will come even sooner if Hezbollah reopens its missile bombardment of northern Israel from its underground systems.



David Frum's Diary, at National Review Online:

Hypocrites?
By David Frum


A sensational but to-date unsubstantiated allegation has been hurled at a major American religious figure. On much of the left, the reaction is gleeful delight: See! He is no better than anybody else!

In my mind, however, this story highlights a widespread moral assumption that I have never been able to understand.

Consider the hypothetical case of two men. Both are inclined toward homosexuality. Both from time to time hire the services of male prostitutes. Both have occasionally succumbed to drug abuse.

One of them marries, raises a family, preaches Christian principles, and tries generally to encourage people to lead stable lives.

The other publicly reveals his homosexuality, vilifies traditional moral principles, and urges the legalization of drugs and prostitution.

Which man is leading the more moral life? It seems to me that the answer is the first one. Instead of suggesting that his bad acts overwhelm his good ones, could it not be said that the good influence of his preaching at least mitigates the bad effect of his misconduct? Instead of regarding hypocrisy as the ultimate sin, could it not be regarded as a kind of virtue - or at least as a mitigation of his offense?

After all, the first man may well see his family and church life as his "real" life; and regard his other life as an occasional uncontrollable deviation, sin, and error, which he condemns in his judgment and for which he sincerely seeks to atone by his prayer, preaching, and Christian works.

Yet it is the first man who will if exposed be held up to the execration of the media, while the second can become a noted public character - and can even hope to get away with presenting himself as an exemplar of ethics and morality.

How does this make moral sense?

Let me put it another way:

In every other avenue of life, we praise people who rise above selfish personal wishes to champion higher principles and the public good. We admire the white southerners who in the days of segregation spoke out for racial equality. We admire the leader of a distressed industry who refuses to ask for trade protections and government handouts. We admire the Arthur Vandenbergs and (someday) the Joe Liebermans who can reach past party feeling to support a president of the opposing party for the sake of the national interest.

If a religious leader has a personal inclination toward homosexuality - and nonetheless can look past his own inclination to defend the institution of marriage and to affirm its benefits for the raising of children - why should he likewise not be honored for his intellectual firmness and moral integrity?

"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."

Sunday, October 29, 2006



From The Chicago Sun-Times:

Only choice on war is to win or lose it
BY MARK STEYN


I was on C-SPAN the other morning, and a lady called in to complain that ''you are making my blood pressure rise.'' Usual reason. The host, Paul Orgel, had asked me what I thought of President Bush and I replied that, whatever my differences with him on this or that, I thought he was one of the most farsighted politicians in Washington. That's to say, he's looking down the line to a world in which a radicalized Islam has exported its pathologies to every corner on Earth, Iran and like-minded states have applied nuclear blackmail to any parties within range, and a dozen or more nutcake basket-case jurisdictions have joined Pyongyang and Tehran as a Nukes R Us one-stop shop for all your terrorist needs. In 2020, no one's going to be worrying about which Congressional page Mark Foley is coming on to. Except Mark Foley, who'll be getting a bit long in the tooth by then. But if it really is, as Democrats say, ''all about the future of our children,'' then our children will want to know why our generation saw what was happening and didn't do anything about it. They will despise us as we despise the political class of the 1930s. And the fact that we passed a great prescription drug plan will be poor consolation when the entire planet is one almighty headache.

My caller at C-SPAN thought this Bush farsightedness shtick was ridiculous. And, though I did my best to lower her blood pressure, I can't honestly say I succeeded. But suppose the ''Anyone But Bush'' bumper-sticker set got their way; suppose he and Cheney and Rummy and all the minor supporting warmongers down to yours truly were suddenly vaporized in 20 seconds' time. What then?

Nothing, that's what. The jihad's still there. Kim Jong Il's still there. The Iranian nukes are still there. The slyer Islamist subversion from south-east Asia to the Balkans to northern England goes on, day after day after day. And one morning we'll switch on the TV and the smoke and flames will be on this side of the Atlantic, much to President Rodham's surprise. Bush hatred is silly and parochial and reductive: History is on the march and the anti-Bush crowd is holding the telescope the wrong way round.

"We're in this grand ideological struggle," said the president two days later. "I am in disbelief that people don't take these people seriously." He was sitting in the Oval Office with a handful of columnists including yours truly. At the risk of making that C-SPAN caller's head explode, it was a great honor. I wasn't the only foreigner in the room: There was a bust of Winston Churchill, along with those of Lincoln and Eisenhower. A war president, a war prime minister, a war general.

Bush was forceful and informed, and it seems to me he performs better in small groups of one-night-only White House correspondents than in the leaden electronic vaudeville with Helen Thomas, David Gregory and the other regulars. (You can judge for yourself: Michael Barone has posted the entire audio at U.S. News & World Report's Web site.) He dismissed the idea that going into Iraq had only served to "recruit" more terrorists to the cause. (General Pace told me last week that, if anything, the evidence is that Iraq has tied up a big chunk of senior jihadists who'd otherwise be blowing up Afghanistan and elsewhere.) The president's view is that before it was Iraq it was Israel; with these guys, it's always something. Sometimes it's East Timor -- which used to be the leftie cause du jour. And, riffing on the endless list of Islamist grievances, Bush concluded with an exasperated: "If it's not the Crusades, it's the cartoons." That'd make a great slogan: it encapsulates simultaneously the Islamists' inability to move on millennium-in millennium-out, plus their propensity for instant new "root causes," and their utter lack of proportion.

"We need to be on the offense all the time," said the president. I pointed out that, when the military are obviously on offense -- liberating Afghanistan, toppling Saddam -- the American people are behind them. But that it's hard to see where the offense is in what to most TV viewers has dwindled down to a thankless semi-colonial policing operation with no end in sight. How about a bit more offense? Syria's been subverting Iraq for three years. Why not return the favor?

"We are on the offense," he insisted, sounding sometimes as frustrated as us columnists that so much of the wider momentum had become (in Charles Krauthammer's words) "mired in diplomacy." Still, it was a different conversation than most Bush encounters with the media-political class. I happened to be plugging my book on a local radio show this week just as a Minnesota "conservative" (ish) Democrat joined the herd of stampeding donkeys explaining why they were now disowning their vote in favor of the Iraq war. What a sorry sight. It's not a question of whether you're "for" or "against" a war. Once you're in it, the choice is to win it or lose it. And, if you're arguing for what will look to most of the world like the latter option, you better understand what the consequences are. In this case, it would, in effect, end the American moment.

Does that bother people? Bush said something, en passant, that I brooded on all the way home. Asked about poll numbers, he said that 25 percent of the population are always against the war -- any war.

That sounds about right. And it's a bit disturbing. To be sure, if Canadian storm troopers were swarming across the 49th Parallel or Bahamian warships were firing off the coast of Florida, some of that 25 percent might change their mind, though it might be a bit late by then. But, as America's highly unlikely to be facing that kind of war in the foreseeable future, that 25 percent's objection to the only wars on offer is rather unnerving.

The invaluable Brussels Journal recently translated an interview with the writer Oscar van den Boogaard from the Belgian paper De Standaard. A Dutch gay "humanist" (which is pretty much the trifecta of Eurocool), van den Boogaard was reflecting on the accelerating Islamification of the Continent and concluding that the jig was up for the Europe he loved. "I am not a warrior, but who is?" he shrugged. "I have never learned to fight for my freedom. I was only good at enjoying it."

Too many of us are only good at enjoying freedom. That war-is-never-the-answer 25 percent are in essence saying that there's nothing about America worth fighting for, and that, ultimately, the continuation of their society is a bet on the kindness of strangers -- on the goodnaturedness of Kim Jong Il and the mullahs and al-Qaida and what the president called "al-Qaida lookalikes and al-Qaida wannabes" and whatever nuclear combination thereof comes down the pike. Some of us don't reckon that's a good bet, and think America's arms-are-for-hugging crowd need to get real. Van den Boogaard's arms are likely to be doing rather less of their preferred form of hugging in the European twilight.

©Mark Steyn 2006


From The Boston Globe:

Red Auerbach, pride of Celtics, dies
Pro basketball legend was 89


By Peter May, Globe Staff

Arnold "Red" Auerbach, who for more than half a century was the combative, competitive, and occasionally abrasive personification of pro basketball's greatest dynasty, the Boston Celtics, died yesterday in the Washington area. He was 89.

He died of a heart attack, the Associated Press reported, according to an NBA source who did not want to be identified.

In two decades of National Basketball Association coaching, Auerbach won 938 games, a record when he retired in 1966, as well as a record nine NBA championship titles, a number he shares with Phil Jackson. In those 20 years, 16 with the Celtics, Auerbach had only one losing season while winning almost two-thirds of his games.

Auerbach was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame in 1968 and, 12 years later, was recognized as the greatest coach in NBA history by the Professional Basketball Writers Association of America. That same year, 1980, he was inducted a second time into the Hall of Fame in recognition of his contributions to the game.

In 1996, he was honored on the 50th anniversary of the NBA as one of its greatest 10 coaches. His coaching achievement is recognized annually with the awarding of the Red Auerbach Trophy to the league's Coach of the Year. Auerbach himself won the award only once, in 1965. The award was named in his honor in 1967.

But Auerbach's genius extended well beyond his coaching. He moved into the Celtics' front office, starting in 1966, and by then already had shown his ability to judge talent with the acquisitions of future Hall of Famers such as Bill Russell, John Havlicek, and Sam Jones through trades or the NBA Draft. Later, as the team's general manager, he would engineer deals for Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parish, and Dave Cowens -- all of whom also are in the Hall.

Proof of Auerbach's impact on the game as both a coach and talent evaluator is the number of his players who made it to the Hall of Fame (14) and the number of his players who became coaches (30), including eight of the 12 players on his 1962-63 championship team. Three of his players, Tom Heinsohn, Bill Sharman, and Don Nelson, later won Coach of the Year honors. Nelson won it three times.

He was also a social force in the NBA, drafting the league's first African-American player in 1950 in Chuck Cooper, hiring the first African-American head coach in pro sports in 1966 in Russell, and having five African-Americans as the Celtics' starting lineup in 1964, an NBA first. He was an international ambassador for the game as well, leading NBA teams on exhibition tours through Europe.

"I never thought he'd die," author John Feinstein, who last year collaborated with Auerbach on "Let Me Tell You A Story: A Lifetime In The Game," told the Associated Press. "He was a unique personality, a combination of toughness and great, great caring about people. He cared about people much more than it showed in his public face, and that's why people cared about him."

Auerbach was fiercely competitive, sometimes to the point of boorishness. It was Auerbach who would break out a celebratory cigar during Celtics home games -- never on the road -- when it was clear his team had won. He once had a writer's seat moved from the floor to an upper box at Boston Garden because of an unfavorable story. He ordered a complimentary mention of Cedric Maxwell to be excised from one of his books after he felt Maxwell betrayed him.

In 1984, Auerbach was invited to coach an old-timers team in the All-Star Game and was ejected for arguing with the officials. In his early years as the commissioner of the NBA, David Stern would joke to friends that he felt his real first name was "Stupid" because of all the conversations he had with Auerbach.

Whether it was tennis, racquetball, basketball, knowledge of Chinese cuisine, or simply having the final word, Auerbach was relentless. As former player agent Ron Grinker once said of Auerbach, "Red plays chess. The other general managers play checkers."

Took over in '50
Auerbach took over as the team's head coach in 1950. He retired from coaching after the 1965-66 season, having won his eighth consecutive NBA title and ninth overall. He served as the team's president and GM for another 14 years and as the president solely from 1984 until 1997, and again from 2001 until his death. He also was the team's vice chairman of the board and still a sought-after adviser well into the 21st century.

In his long tenure in Boston, he built three distinct Celtics championship teams: the dominating group that won all but one title in the 1960s, a second team that won two titles in the 1970s, and the last, great Celtics team, which won three championships in the 1980s.

The team he took over in 1950 was in last place, but seven years later, he had the first of his nine championships, all anchored by the indomitable Russell. The Celtics won world championships in 1974 and '76 with a nucleus of Auerbach draftees, Havlicek, Cowens, and Jo Jo White, and triumphed in 1981, 1984, and 1986 with the so-called Big Three: Bird, McHale, and Parish, arguably the greatest frontcourt in NBA history.

But the magic wore off soon after. At that point, the Celtics had amassed 16 titles in 30 years, never going longer than five years without a championship. They are now approaching two decades since the last championship flag was raised to the rafters.

In the 1990s, the Celtics became something they never were when Auerbach was either coaching or involved on a day-to-day basis in the front office: irrelevant. Bird and McHale retired prematurely because of injuries. Reggie Lewis, an Auerbach draft pick and emerging star, died of cardiac arrest. The team had a stretch where it made the playoffs only once in eight years.

And when the Celtics briefly made what looked to be a significant move in 1997, the hiring of Rick Pitino as coach, it quickly backfired on Auerbach when Pitino insisted on having Auerbach's long-held title of president. Four years later, Pitino left in disgrace and the team quickly moved to reinstall Auerbach's favorite title (other than coach).

Auerbach's record for identifying talent and then acquiring it was remarkable. He convinced two teams in 1956 not to draft Russell, getting one of them (St. Louis) to trade its pick to him for two players, and getting the other to bypass Russell entirely in return for some arena-filling Ice Capades dates. In 1978, five teams passed on drafting Bird, either because Bird would cost too much or would not be available to the NBA for another year because he was still a junior at Indiana State. Auerbach didn't hesitate, and then managed to sign Bird and keep him in Boston throughout his career.

Where others saw impediments or obstacles, Auerbach saw opportunity. In 1969, several teams shied away from Jo Jo White because of a supposed military commitment. Auerbach drafted White, who went directly to the NBA and fulfilled his military service in the reserves. In 1981, Danny Ainge, then a professional baseball player, was said to be firm in his decision not to play in the NBA. Auerbach drafted Ainge, now the Celtics' executive director of basketball operations, in the second round and had him in a Boston uniform for 53 games the following season.

Auerbach was also the mastermind in what is still considered by many to be the most lopsided trade in NBA history, a deal that brought the Celtics Parish and the chance to draft McHale. The Warriors, who made the deal, ended up with Joe Barry Carroll and Rickey Brown, two NBA journeymen of limited value.

His judgment was not unerring, however. Although he developed Bob Cousy into a Hall of Famer, at first Auerbach was adamant that Cousy not be on his team. He bypassed Cousy in the 1950 draft, taking Charlie Share instead. But Cousy ended up in Boston when his team folded and the Celtics drew his name out of a hat.

Auerbach was among the first to cultivate the team as family concept, using loyalty as his linchpin. Hall of Famer Bill Walton, who really had only one season playing with Boston, still considers himself a Celtic, first, last, and always. Players occasionally felt the coach's public wrath, but there was always a method to the motive. Agents became a favorite target; he only gradually and reluctantly revised his opinion of them from scum to lowest possible life form. Others, be they referees, judges, opponents, advisers, or even colleagues, would feel his wrath if he detected the Celtics were being scorned or spurned. No one played the us-against-them dynamic more adroitly.

He could also be crude, abusive, and hostile. He once sought out Ainge after Ainge played a particularly bad game in Washington. "What, were you out drinking with your other wife?" Auerbach said to Ainge, a Mormon. One longtime acquaintance called Auerbach a terminal juvenile delinquent -- and Auerbach did little to dispel the image. Yet it also, undeniably, was a shtick that he cultivated.

"In whatever he did, he wanted to win," said Harry Mangurian, one of many Celtics owners who worked with Auerbach. "There was no letup in him at all."

Born in 1917
Arnold Jacob Auerbach was born Sept. 20, 1917, the second of four children of Hyman Auerbach, who ran a dry cleaning business in Brooklyn, and Marie Thompson Auerbach. Hyman Auerbach immigrated to the United States from Minsk, Russia, at the age of 12. He took a job working the counter at Rosoff's Restaurant in Manhattan and met Marie Thompson there. They married and opened a delicatessen on Sixth Avenue, across from Radio City Music Hall. In 1931, Hyman Auerbach sold his delicatessen and started a dry cleaning business.

Arnold had an older brother, Victor, who succeeded his father in the business. A younger brother, Zang, became a commercial artist and designed the Celtics' leprechaun logo. A younger sister, Florence, was born two days before his eighth birthday.

The family lived in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn, which has produced a raft of NBA talent, from such Auerbach contemporaries as Billy Cunningham, Doug Moe, and Larry Brown to later stars such as Albert and Bernard King and Chris Mullin and Mark Jackson. The Williamsburg section in the 1920s was a true melting pot of both color and creed.

Auerbach attended P.S. 122 and then Eastern District High School, where he captained both the basketball and handball teams. His grades were not quite good enough to get a scholarship to New York University, but the basketball coach at Seth Low Junior College, a Brooklyn offshoot of Columbia University, offered him a $100 scholarship.

Two years after enrolling at Seth Low, Auerbach moved on to George Washington University in Washington, D.C., after the basketball coach spotted him during a scrimmage and gave him a scholarship. The move to Washington turned out to be a permanent one for Auerbach, who maintained a residence there until his death. Even when he coached the Celtics, his wife and daughters lived in the nation's capital while he stayed at the Lenox Hotel and later in an apartment in the Prudential Center.

Auerbach played three seasons for George Washington, averaging 6 points in 56 games. But while there, he established two relationships that would guide him for decades: a love for his wife and a visceral hatred of Madison Square Garden, then the Mecca of college basketball.

His wife was Dorothy Lewis, a third-generation Washingtonian and daughter of a local pediatrician. The two were married when Auerbach graduated in 1941 with a Bachelor of Science degree in physical education. He also got a master's in education, leading him one time to chastise a heckler by saying, "I'm not a bum. I'm an educated bum!"

The issue with Madison Square Garden came about because the National Invitation Tournament, then the best of the college tournaments, slighted George Washington in Auerbach's first season. He blamed the folks at MSG, where the tournament was played, for the snub, and throughout his pro career he relished wins in that building more than in any other.

Auerbach's first two coaching jobs were high school assignments. The first was at an exclusive private school in Washington, St. Albans, and the second was at Roosevelt High School in the city. The second job also included teaching history and hygiene (this was before he became addicted to cigars) and coaching handball. In May 1943, he joined the Navy.

Auerbach was spared active duty in World War II, although he became a third-class petty officer. He was assigned to the physical fitness program headed by boxer Gene Tunney and ended up with other sports celebrities such as baseball's Johnny Mize and future California basketball coach Pete Newell at a fitness school in Maryland. From there, he was sent to the Norfolk Naval base to start up an intramural athletic program and had candidates such as Bob Feller, Dominic DiMaggio, Phil Rizzuto, and future NBA coach Red Holzman. After getting the base involved in a number of athletic activities, Auerbach was reassigned to upstate New York and finished out the war at Bethesda Naval Hospital. It was during his stint in the Navy that he started to smoke cigars, a habit he had until his death.

Enters pro basketball
After discharge, Auerbach, at 28, entered professional basketball, which would occupy the rest of his life and make him wealthy and famous. A new league was beginning in 1946 that, eventually, became the NBA. One of the franchises was located in Washington, and Auerbach summoned all of his bravado to present himself to the owner as the best candidate for the job. He accepted a one-year deal for $5,000.

As the coach of the Washington Caps, he assembled a team from all over, using his military and coaching contacts. One of his signees, a player from the University of North Carolina named Bones McKinney, agreed to terms in the men's room of the Blackstone Hotel. McKinney finished his career with the Celtics and later became a trusted adviser and confidant to Auerbach, responsible for the Celtics' drafting of Hall of Famer Sam Jones in 1957.

His first professional team won 49 of 60 games, including 17 straight, a streak that would remain a league record until 1969. The team, however, was eliminated in the playoffs. In his next two years with Washington, he went 28-20 and 38-22, the second year making it to the NBA Finals before losing in six games to the Minneapolis Lakers.

But there were rumors of discontent on the team and Auerbach went back to ownership and demanded a three-year contract. When he was offered only one year, he left to accept a profitable job for $7,500 at Duke University as an assistant and adviser to coach Jerry Gerard. This was Auerbach's only flirtation with the college game -- and it was over almost as soon as it began. He felt uneasy about the job, mainly because Gerard was terminally ill with cancer and Auerbach looked like a crepe hanger. Three months after arriving in Durham, N.C., owner Ben Kerner of the Tri-Cities Blackhawks of the NBA called. He had just fired his coach, Roger Potter, after a 1-6 start, and needed a new coach. Auerbach accepted a two-year deal for $17,000.

He finished out the 1949-50 season in Tri-Cities, going 28-29. It was the only time he coached a team with a losing record. He then left, furious that Kerner traded one of his starters without his knowledge.

Auerbach wasn't out of work for long. The owner of the last-place Celtics, Walter Brown, inquired if Auerbach would coach the team. Brown had come across Auerbach's name after talking to local sportswriters. Auerbach knew Brown's co-owner, Lou Pieri, who had unsuccessfully tried to lure him to Providence to coach the NBA Steamrollers in the mid-1940s.

Auerbach demanded a three-year deal. Brown told him it would be a one-year offer because the team's situation was so precarious there might not be a second year. The Celtics had finished 31 games out of first place with a 22-46 record. Auerbach took the one-year offer for $10,000 and began a long, amicable relationship covering 13 years with Brown that always involved a handshake deal. One year, Auerbach estimated it took 70 seconds to agree on a new contract.

Builds Celtic dynasty
Auerbach had two new players around which to build -- one of which they got by luck. The team acquired 6-foot-8-inch "Easy" Ed Macauley in the 1950 dispersal draft and a local backcourt whiz from Holy Cross named Bob Cousy. The Celtics could have had Cousy in the draft, but Auerbach was wary of the local pressure to play the popular Cousy and also thought Cousy's unrefined game might not make it in the pros. He opted instead for Bowling Green center Share.

Cousy was taken by Tri-Cities and quickly dealt to Chicago. He never played a game for either team because Chicago soon folded. Its three premier players, or presumed to be such, were Cousy, Max Zaslofksy, and Andy Phillip. Their names were put into a hat for the three teams that could afford them or want them: New York, Boston, and Philadelphia. Auerbach wanted Zaslofsky first. Then Phillip. But when the Celtics drew the last name out of the hat, it was Cousy's. They had him for $8,500.

The 1950 draft also produced a first: the NBA's first black player. Auerbach chose Chuck Cooper of Duquesne, who played four seasons with the Celtics.

Cousy and Macauley started the Celtics on their way. The 1950-51 Celtics went 39-30 and made the playoffs. In 1951, Auerbach acquired shooting guard named Bill Sharman and a bruiser named Bob Brannum from Fort Wayne and the team had success each year.

Then, in the summer of 1953, while working at a resort in New York, he got his first glimpse at Wilt Chamberlain, then a gangly high school center from Philadelphia. Auerbach was infatuated with the teenager. He knew he had no chance to get Chamberlain, but it made him realize he needed a big man to complete the Celtics' puzzle. Two years later, while in New York to scout the Holiday Festival, he laid eyes on Russell.

Auerbach made a deal with St. Louis to move up in the draft to select Russell, then fended off advances from the Harlem Globetrotters and signed the franchise center, starting a 13-year partnership that would produce 11 world championships.

Simply, there is no more successful professional team athlete than Russell. In his college and pro careers, he played in 21 winner-take-all games. His record in those games: 21-0.

The Celtics teams of the Russell era were built on defense and running. Russell dominated the boards and blocked shots. Cousy ran the break. Sharman, Heinsohn, Frank Ramsey, and Sam Jones delivered at the other end. Gradually, new pieces were added to the mix. K.C. Jones, drafted in 1956, came aboard in 1958 and Tom Sanders in 1960. In 1962, Auerbach drafted John Havlicek, who had played in Jerry Lucas's shadow at Ohio State University, and then sweated out Havlicek's ill-fated tryout with the Cleveland Browns of the National Football League.

Face of team's success
As the Celtics continued to win, Auerbach become the embodiment of their success, which, given his legendary arrogance, inevitably led to some clashes. He was never a favorite of the referees and was fined more than $17,000 in his career. Even when he returned in 1974 to coach for one game during an emergency, he couldn't control himself and got ejected. He was suspended for three games in 1951 and got into a fight with Kerner during the 1957 NBA Finals, the only playoff series he lost after Russell arrived. In 1961, three fans in Syracuse invaded the Boston huddle and fists started flying. Auerbach was served with a summons the next day.

"I've been accused of being competitive, but [Auerbach had] total and absolute commitment," said Cousy. "He was the most relentless person I've ever met in terms of achieving his goals. He did back then what it takes about eight people to do today. I've never seen such dedication. You can argue about this, but I think he produced the greatest dynasty in the history of sports, certainly in basketball. He knew talent. He knew how to acquire it. He knew how to coach it. He knew how to motivate it. His legacy in terms of sport achievement is unparalleled."

The 1965-66 season was his last as coach and the Celtics rewarded him with an eighth straight title, defeating the Lakers in seven games. Auerbach then made the leap and named Russell as player-coach while Auerbach went into the front office as general manager. The first year, the Celtics relinquished their title despite the additions of Wayne Embry and Bailey Howell. But Russell led Boston to championships in the next two seasons -- both upsets -- before retiring unexpectedly in 1969. Auerbach, who had built the team from scratch in 1950, now had to rebuild again. Sam Jones also was leaving.

It took five years, but another flag was raised to the Boston Garden rafters in 1974. A year after Russell retired, the Celtics won 34 games under coach Heinsohn and ended up with the fourth pick in the draft. Needing a center, Auerbach had scouted a 6-8 dervish from Florida State named Dave Cowens. The first three teams passed on Cowens, who would anchor the 1974 and 1976 championship teams, win the Most Valuable Player award in 1973, and go on to be named one of the top 50 NBA players of all time in 1996.

In 1978, Auerbach pulled another coup, drafting Bird, then a junior eligible at Indiana State.

The contract negotiations with Bird's agent, Bob Woolf, were historic both for the contentiousness and the time constraints. Woolf knew his client had extraordinary leverage and tried to milk it for what he could. Auerbach became so exasperated he turned things over to Mangurian and a deal was reached. Bird then proceeded to lead the Celtics to a 31-game turnaround, largest at the time in NBA history.

The Celtics won another title, first of the Bird era, in 1981 under Bill Fitch, but by 1983, the team was coming apart. Auerbach named placid K.C. Jones to replace Fitch and then convinced Phoenix to part with guard Dennis Johnson for the no-longer-needed Rick Robey. Johnson gave Boston a stabilizing and defensive presence in the backcourt and the Celtics beat Magic Johnson and the Lakers in a thrilling seven-game series in 1984.

Two years later, Auerbach experienced the high and low of his Celtics career. In early June of '86, he again accepted the league championship trophy after the Celtics steamrolled through the league with a 67-15 record and through the postseason at 15-3. It was probably the greatest Celtics team ever. Walton, who had come over the previous summer in a trade for Maxwell, won the Sixth Man Award and was a huge presence on and off the floor. Bird won the third of his three consecutive MVPs. The team went 40-1 at home.

But soon after defeating the Houston Rockets for the NBA title, the bottom fell out. The Celtics had the second pick in the draft, courtesy of a deal with Seattle in 1984. Auerbach had his heart set on an athletic, mobile, gifted forward from Maryland named Len Bias. Auerbach had scouted Bias and was good friends with Maryland coach Lefty Driesell. By all accounts, Bias was a can't-miss prospect and Auerbach gloated when he announced the pick. Two days later, Bias was dead of cocaine intoxication. Auerbach cried in the Celtics' office.

Remains a presence
Even after Auerbach ceded control of the day-to-day operation of the team, his reputation and presence still loomed large, even from afar. In the early 1990s, Dave Gavitt, now the Celtics' senior executive vice president, and another general manager had agreed on a trade. But when the opposing owner was asked to approve, he shook his head and said, "If Red is for it, I want no part of it."

Gavitt was forced out in 1994 and former Celtic player M.L. Carr was brought in to run the day-to-day operations. He stayed there long enough to pave the way for Pitino by engineering a 15-67 record in 1996-97, all designed to get the No. 1 pick in the 1997 draft, Tim Duncan. But the Celtics ended up with the third pick (and No. 6) and Pitino never recovered. Auerbach was still consulted, but Pitino was the unquestioned power, as evidenced by his insistence on stripping Auerbach of the club president's title.

Pitino left in 2000. Yet another new ownership group came on board in 2002. Ainge was hired in May 2002 to rebuild the team. On the podium that day, Auerbach was asked what he thought about Ainge. "He bleeds green," said Auerbach, who was passed for career wins by Lenny Wilkens in the 1994-95 season. Ainge knew there could be no greater compliment.

On Wednesday, Auerbach proudly received the US Navy's Lone Sailor Award in front of family and friends at ceremonies in Washington.

Auerbach's wife, Dorothy, died in 2000. He's survived by his two daughters, Nancy Auerbach Collins and Randy Auerbach. He also leaves a granddaughter, Julie Auerbach Flieger, and three great grandchildren.